And the Best Holiday Film of 2008 goes to... AVP:R

After long and thoughtful deliberation on the subject, taking into account the irrepressible whimsy of such blockbusters as Fred Clause and Christmas in Wonderland, I have concluded that there is only one film capable of truly expressing the joy of the holiday season - Alien versus Predator: Requiem. Yes, you heard me. What better way to put the spirit of the former year to rest than with a cinematic masterpiece, a true requiem (from the Latin requies, for ‘rest’) for 2007? Still unconvinced? Clearly you needed to see the movie on Christmas day, sandwiched in between two overweight 30 somethings, each pod-casting live their alternate endings for final chapter of their newest fan-fic crossover, “Predator versus a Cylon basestar: a Galactica whodunit!” I hadn’t felt so misty eyed since Miracle on 34^th Street.

But before we get too off topic, let’s examine some of the comparative symbolism that defines the films rightful place in this season of giving and peace. There may be some spoilers to follow, however, I don’t believe it is possible to spoil this film:

1) “Away in a manger…” –

This theme of Jesus’ lowly birth, laid in a manger and wrapped in swaddling clothes, is clearly paralleled through the scenes of forced implantation and subsequent rapid gestation of Predalien larvae in the local hospital’s maternity ward. A beautiful scene, and one in service to the true nature of Christmas.

2) Spirit of generosity –

This idea of uninhibited munificence is represented throughout the film, as many of the characters, young and old, rich and poor, are subject to indiscriminate, and often delightfully unexpected, attacks from alien face-huggers.

3) The excitement of opening unexpected gifts –

The generosity of the face-huggers does not go unappreciated however, as the subjects of their warm embrace always awaken (no doubt to their delight) to the surprise of an alien chest-burster tearing through their sternum with a hiss of glee!

4) Time with that special someone –

Family aside, the holidays are always a time to spend with that special someone you hold so close to your heart. When in doubt, just take a lesson from AVP:R! Sneak into the local high school’s pool and seduce a hot teenage actress. Watch out for her ex-boyfriend though, he might have followed you there!

5) The joy of a dazzling light display –

Five words: Dual Shoulder-Mounted Plasma Cannons.

I’ll bet the Predators have the loveliest Christmas trees.

What a beautiful time of the year. Clearly Jesus had this movie in mind when was born.

-The Brisket