When Amish Kids Go Crazy: A Review of The Devil's Playground

It was a typical college party: beer pong, shiver-inducing games of Never Have I Ever, and mono-infected kisses. There I was, discussing the ins and outs of partying with a girl who drank when someone said "Never have I ever had anal sex". I argued that Rice athletes don't party as hard as they say they do. She countered with an irrelevant but interesting claim: "Wanna know who parties the hardest? The Amish. Friend told me about this documentary. Devils, Devil's, I don't, Devil's something. Anyway, these kids go fucking crazy." I was intrigued. I had always thought of the Amish as a rather chaste and demure group, full of women whose hymens are tougher than my bag gloves and men who flog themselves for eating wine cake. And yet here was the Anal Queen suggesting that I might be wrong. I had to order it.

The Devil's Playground, directed by Lucy Walker, follows several Amish youths as they embark on Rumspringa, a period during which Amish adolescents experience the outside world (i.e. "the devil's playground") for the first time. After completing Rumspringa, which can last for several years, the Amish adolescent is able to make an informed decision about whether to remain Amish or join the damned. The documentary does a good job of showing the dilemma that they face: comfort, familiarity, and security on the one hand, opportunity, fun, and novelty on the other.

And they do indeed have fun. Unfortunately, they do not party any harder than the average frat boy. For a viewer like myself who anticipated gang bangs and intravenous drug use, there was a sharp sense of disappointment. Just binge drinking in pastures, some grab-ass. Only one guy ventures into hard drugs (he becomes a crystal meth user and dealer). The most interesting thing about the film is that they do all this while wearing traditional Amish attire. It is a most incongruous picture, seeing a bonnet-wearing lass drinking a 40.

Overall, the film is decent. For the most part, the Amish interviewees are well-spoken, offering a well-rounded picture of the Amish lifestyle, and even though they don't party like Snoop or the Anal Queen, they party hard enough to justify watching it.

The Replacements: Best Sports Movie to Date

In the midst of bowl season, and with college basketball hitting full stride, I am reminded of all the great sports movies that have inspired us and taken us back to our old glory days. I ran cross country, and sucked at it, so I can't really relate to the likes of Raging Bull or Hoosiers or Rudy, but I am inspired nevertheless. I grew up on Rocky, The Sandlot and Little Giants. The Mighty Ducks trilogy intranced me to buy roller blades and hockey gear so that I could put puck-shaped dents in my garage door. "It's Knuckle Puck time!" Emelio Estevez at his finest!

But there is one sports epic that truly emulates heroec athleticism, one film that brings big heart and big names to the screen. Yes, I'm talking about The Replacement. In a nutshell, a bunch of second rate ex-football players get to play professionally because the actual pros went on strike, based on the very really tragedy that famous athletes do not make any money. One might argue its place among other flicks of its genre, but answer me this: Why else would they show it twice a day for a week on daytime TBS?

Gene Hackman must've thought "Hoosiers was a flop and a joke. I need to play a coach in a movie that has some impact on the sports world". Well coach, you succeeded.

Keanu Reeves leads his team to victory with a strong arm and even stronger acting. Playing a has-been college quarterback known for choking under pressure, Reeves (a.k.a. Falco - awesome name for a QB) is given a second chance to play. What really amazes me is how at no point during the film do you see him fall victim to helmet-hair.

To round out the start-studded cast, you have that one fat black guy from that one movie, and that other fat black guy who's been in a couple movies, and of course that one black guy. And Orlando Jones.

The story, combined with great regular cuts to the cheerleaders makes this a movie milestone to remember. The director was even able to shove more overplayed classic rocks songs into the movie than a Waffle House Jukebox. Rocky helped bring down the Berlin Wall. Blue Chips showed the sad-but-true dark side of college basketball. The Replacements showed us that if there was ever an NFL players strike, the league would reach out to convicts, sumo wrestlers and retards (Reeves) to maintain the greatness of pro football. God Bless America.

Happy New Years everyone! If you need something to do while recovering from your hangover tomorrow, rent The Replacements, Juwanna Man and Eddie for your sports movie fix.