So I was on a long plane ride and finally got around to seeing the latest advertisement for America—I mean, Michael Bay flick, Transformers. It was everything I expected it to be.
-A high school romance inconceivably woven into a plot that encompasses the possible destruction of the world.
-A competent American Military defeating a nigh invincible intergalactic threat on behalf of the world.
-Computer enhanced EVERYTHING, creating lightening quick “action” only to be appreciated when you try to re-watch the film frame by frame.
-Giant Robots.
-And of course, that inevitable “No matter what happens, I just want you to know blah blah blah” moment.
Ahhh. An instant classic. It truly had me from the opening line—uttered so butterly by Optimus Prime—I knew exactly where it was going and exactly how it would end. “In the beginning there was…the cube. We know not where it came from…blah blah blah blu bling bling blah.”
You know… the cube. The Cube!? Of course… Thaaaat cube. I used to make chicken soup with that cube, but then it left this planet to start life in other galaxies and later returned as the ultimate plot device.
Hi, I’m writing a movie, this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to start off with something you’ve never heard of, and I’m going to introduce it right off the bat and slap you in the face with it so you know what it is. Then I’m going to drag you through an egregiously long and illogical plot* and then I’m going to say… hey. Remember that thing I showed you at the beginning? Well, we’re just going to use that to end the movie and basically nothing else you just watched really mattered.
But at the same time… it was so damn entertaining…
I felt like I had just sold my soul to the devil. The whole time I thought to myself… just sleep and this plane ride will go faster, when in actuality I found myself routing for Shia TheBeef and his intrepid band of loveable robots. Son of a bitch!
The moral of this story—really—is that giant robots are seductively sweet. Even if they’re unfathomably complicated and over-animated. Now… to wait 15 years until Michael Bay releases his master epic, Power Rangers…
*"So if the robots are after us, we should lead them into LA where they can do more damage!” – soldier “Good idea!” –Secretary of State Jon Voigt
-A high school romance inconceivably woven into a plot that encompasses the possible destruction of the world.
-A competent American Military defeating a nigh invincible intergalactic threat on behalf of the world.
-Computer enhanced EVERYTHING, creating lightening quick “action” only to be appreciated when you try to re-watch the film frame by frame.
-Giant Robots.
-And of course, that inevitable “No matter what happens, I just want you to know blah blah blah” moment.
Ahhh. An instant classic. It truly had me from the opening line—uttered so butterly by Optimus Prime—I knew exactly where it was going and exactly how it would end. “In the beginning there was…the cube. We know not where it came from…blah blah blah blu bling bling blah.”
You know… the cube. The Cube!? Of course… Thaaaat cube. I used to make chicken soup with that cube, but then it left this planet to start life in other galaxies and later returned as the ultimate plot device.
Hi, I’m writing a movie, this is what’s going to happen. I’m going to start off with something you’ve never heard of, and I’m going to introduce it right off the bat and slap you in the face with it so you know what it is. Then I’m going to drag you through an egregiously long and illogical plot* and then I’m going to say… hey. Remember that thing I showed you at the beginning? Well, we’re just going to use that to end the movie and basically nothing else you just watched really mattered.
But at the same time… it was so damn entertaining…
I felt like I had just sold my soul to the devil. The whole time I thought to myself… just sleep and this plane ride will go faster, when in actuality I found myself routing for Shia TheBeef and his intrepid band of loveable robots. Son of a bitch!
The moral of this story—really—is that giant robots are seductively sweet. Even if they’re unfathomably complicated and over-animated. Now… to wait 15 years until Michael Bay releases his master epic, Power Rangers…
*"So if the robots are after us, we should lead them into LA where they can do more damage!” – soldier “Good idea!” –Secretary of State Jon Voigt
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