Rambo: More Blood than "There Will Be Blood"

I can tell you honestly that since having seen Rambo on Friday evening, my voice has dropped an octave and my chest is twice as hairy. Unfortunately my hands remain the size of a 12 year old girl's. This second wave of puberty was obviously the result of seeing the goriest, most violent movie of my life. Without hesitation, I proclaim this is the most violent main-stream movie of all time. The original rating was set at NC-17 but after some strategic editing, the film was able to limbo under the R rating.

Sylvester Stallone looks a little aged in this one, but he's still ripped and maintains his keen ability to kill everything in sight. I would, however, rate his acting to be the worst of his career, not that he ever set the bar too high. You barely ever hear him complete a full sentence longer than three words. I am sure all of his intelligent statements were drowned out in the deafening blaze of 50 caliber gunfire. I will give him some credit. He wore the hats of director, producer, writer, actor and I am sure primary financier. No wonder he needs steroids. Sly is obviously overworked.

Back to the reason anyone went to see this film...violence.

Good luck trying to tally up a body count in the latest John Rambo chronicle. Even if you could count that fast, you'd be too distracted by the body parts flying mid-air. Corpses don't just spray a little blood here and there, they explode. I almost feel more educated in the area of human anatomy as I have now seen every organ (fully intact) darting across the big screen.

Having said all of this, I dare say this is a must-see (or must-rent) for the soul fact that I cannot put into words the horror and doom captured in this 90 minute blood bath. Girls, don't see it. Guys, don't take girls with you to see it. Nobody female or under the age of 15 should see this movie under any circumstances.

What really pissed me off: 15 minutes and 4 dozen deaths into the film, I witnessed a mother carrying a screaming 4 year old out of the theatre. The majority of the audience happen to see this too and some even started booing. I about called social services on that mother-of-the-year.

Rambo uses every means possible to off bad-guys: Guns, big guns, big-ass guns, knives, bow and arrow, mines, home-made sword, WWII Bombs, and of course his bare hands (depicted most vividly when he rips out an unsuspecting guard's Adam's Apple). While the needless slaying kept me smiling at the screen, there were moments where even I had to avert my eyes. Women and children get slaughtered in this one as well, making it that much harder to suffer through.

This is more of a rant than a review, but I am not really sure what else to say. No Plot. All Death. I can't even decide if I liked it or not. I have been raped of my innocence and will never be the same. God help us all!